My Husband Was in a Coma: I Couldn't Access Our Money

My Husband Was in a Coma: A Wife's Story of Powerlessness

*This is based on real experiences shared with us. Names and some details have been changed to protect privacy.*

30 Years of Marriage Meant Nothing

Karen and David had been married for 30 years. Three children, five grandchildren, a lifetime together. Karen assumed—like most married people assume—that being a spouse meant something legally.

She was wrong.

"David collapsed on a Sunday morning. Heart attack. Massive. They got his heart restarted, but the oxygen deprivation... he was in a coma. The doctors said he might wake up. He might not."

Karen spent the first days at the hospital. By day three, she started thinking about practicalities.

The Bills Don't Stop

Even in crisis, life continues:

• The mortgage needed paying
• Utility bills were due
• Insurance premiums couldn't lapse
• Council tax wouldn't wait

"I went to our bank—the bank we'd used for 25 years—and explained the situation. I needed to access David's account to pay his bills. They knew us. Knew we were married. Knew about his heart attack."

The answer was no.

David's current account was in his sole name. His savings accounts were in his sole name. Karen wasn't a signatory. Without Power of Attorney, she had no legal authority—regardless of their 30-year marriage.

The Myth of Marriage

"I genuinely thought being married meant we were legally one unit. That's how it felt. We'd shared everything for three decades. When I said 'our money,' I meant it."

But the law doesn't see it that way:

What marriage DOES give you:

• Inheritance rights (if no Will)
• Certain pension rights
• Some next-of-kin status for medical consultations

What marriage DOES NOT give you:

• Access to spouse's bank accounts
• Authority to manage spouse's finances
• Legal right to make financial decisions for spouse
• Any automatic Power of Attorney

"The bank manager was sympathetic. She'd known us for years. But she said, 'Mrs. Patterson, if I let you access your husband's account without legal authority, I could lose my job and the bank could be prosecuted. I'm so sorry.'"

The Cascade of Problems

Week 1: David's main account. Inaccessible.

Week 2: His mortgage payment bounced. Late fee applied.

Week 3: His car insurance direct debit failed. Policy at risk.

Week 4: His credit card payment missed. Interest and fees.

Week 5: His business expenses account. Suppliers unpaid.

Karen started paying from her own money—from their "joint" account that was actually in her name. But David earned more than her. Her account couldn't sustain his outgoings.

"I was watching our financial life fall apart. Things David had spent 30 years building—his credit rating, his business relationships, his reputation—all crumbling because I couldn't transfer money from one account to another."

The Medical Decisions

While dealing with finances, Karen also faced medical realities.

"The doctors were making decisions about David's care. They consulted me—of course they did—but they made it clear that I had no legal authority. I was his wife, not his attorney. They'd consider my views, but the decisions were ultimately theirs."

What if there had been a dispute? What if the doctors wanted to try something David wouldn't have wanted? Karen would have had limited legal power to object.

David Wakes Up

Six weeks after his heart attack, David regained consciousness. It took another two weeks before he was coherent.

"The first thing I told him, after 'I love you,' was 'we're making Power of Attorney as soon as you can hold a pen.'"

David was shocked by what Karen had been through.

"He kept saying, 'But you're my wife.' He couldn't believe that 30 years of marriage meant nothing at the bank. That I had to pay his bills from my own money. That I couldn't make decisions about his care."

The Recovery

David eventually recovered enough to make LPAs. He appointed Karen as his attorney—the obvious choice. The same woman who'd been locked out for six weeks.

"The solicitor who helped us said she sees this all the time. Married couples who assume they're protected. They're not. Nobody is, without LPAs."

What If David Hadn't Woken Up?

Karen tries not to think about this. But she knows:

If David had died or never regained capacity, she would have faced:

• Court of Protection application (6-12 months)
• Legal fees (£3,000-5,000+)
• Ongoing supervision as deputy
• A husband she couldn't legally help

"We were lucky. He woke up. But I've met families in support groups who weren't lucky. Their loved ones never recovered capacity. And those wives—married 20, 30, 40 years—had to go to court just to manage their husband's pension."

The Marriage Myth Must Die

Karen now speaks about her experience whenever she can:

"Every married person thinks they're protected. They're not. Your marriage certificate is not a Power of Attorney. Your love is not legal authority. Your decades together mean nothing to the bank.

I know this sounds harsh. I know it doesn't feel right. But I've lived it. I've sat in a bank being told I can't pay my own husband's bills. I've watched our finances crumble while he lay unconscious.

Don't let this happen to you. Please."

A Message to Married Couples

"You insure your house. You insure your car. You insure your health.

An LPA is insurance for your marriage. It's insurance that says, 'If something happens to me, my spouse can help.'

It costs a few hundred pounds. It takes an hour. And it prevents the nightmare I lived through.

If you're married and you don't have LPAs, you're not protected. You're gambling. And the stakes are higher than you know."

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What Marriage Does and Doesn't Give You

Right

Married

With LPA

Access spouse's sole bank accounts	No	Yes
Make financial decisions for spouse	No	Yes
Sell spouse's property	No	Yes
Make binding medical decisions	No	Yes
Claim spouse's benefits	Limited	Yes

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Protecting Your Marriage

Creating LPAs for each other:

• Takes 15 minutes each
• Costs £74-140 per person (+ £82 registration per LPA)
• Lasts for life
• Provides complete protection

Total cost for a married couple (both LPAs each): Under £700

Cost of Court of Protection for one spouse: £5,000+

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Don't Assume. Protect.

Your marriage deserves the protection of proper legal documents.

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