My Parents Live Abroad: The LPA Nightmare from 5,000 Miles Away
My Parents Live Abroad: Managing from 5,000 Miles Away
*This is based on real experiences shared with us. Names and some details have been changed to protect privacy.*
The Phone Call at 3 AM
Daniel was in Sydney when his phone rang. It was 3 AM. Never a good sign.
"My mum was calling. She was panicking, hard to understand through the tears. 'Your father's had a stroke. He's in hospital. They don't know if he'll survive.'"
Daniel's parents, both in their early 70s, lived in Surrey—the same house Daniel grew up in. Daniel had emigrated to Australia twelve years earlier. He'd built a life there—wife, two kids, good job.
"I was 10,000 miles away, and my dad was dying. I booked the first flight I could find."
The First Week
Daniel spent 26 hours travelling to reach his parents. His dad, Robert, had survived but was severely affected. He couldn't speak, couldn't walk, couldn't manage anything.
His mum, Janet, was overwhelmed. She'd never handled the finances—Robert had always done that. Now she was trying to navigate hospitals, paperwork, and a terrifying new reality.
"I had one week of emergency leave. One week to try to sort out decades of financial arrangements."
The Immediate Problems
Robert's accounts: All in his name. Pension, savings, investments. Janet wasn't a signatory.
The mortgage: Somehow, still in Robert's sole name from before they married (forty years ago).
Robert's business: He'd run a small consultancy. Clients owed money. There was a business account Janet couldn't touch.
Bills, insurance, subscriptions: All from accounts Janet couldn't access.
"Mum was on his accounts as a 'correspondent'—she could receive statements. But she couldn't instruct anything. Forty years of marriage, and she was essentially a stranger to the bank."
"Do You Have Power of Attorney?"
Every conversation ended with this question.
"The bank asked. The solicitor asked. The hospital asked. Every single person we dealt with asked if we had Power of Attorney."
We didn't.
"Dad had mentioned it once, years ago. 'We should do that.' We never did. Like everyone, we thought there was time."
Trying to Help from Australia
Daniel's week ran out. He had to go back to Sydney—a job, a family, commitments. His sister lived in Scotland, six hours from their parents. Neither could be there full-time.
"I tried to help from Australia. Do you know what you can do to manage someone's financial affairs from 10,000 miles away, with no Power of Attorney?"
Nothing.
"I couldn't call the bank—I wasn't authorised. I couldn't instruct the solicitor—I had no authority. I couldn't even pay Dad's bills from my own account into his, because the bank wouldn't let Mum set up a new payee."
The Court of Protection from Abroad
Daniel began the Court of Protection application from Sydney.
"I had to prove my identity, prove my relationship, prove my father's incapacity, prove I was suitable to be deputy. All from another continent."
Challenges:
- Documents needed posting internationally
- Notarisation requirements differ between countries
- Time zones made phone calls nearly impossible
- He couldn't attend assessments in person
- Everything took three times as long
The Timeline
Month 1: Initial application submitted Month 2: Court requests additional evidence (posted from Australia) Month 3: Further queries (time zone delays) Month 4: Assessment scheduled (Daniel flies back) Month 5: More paperwork Month 6: Order granted
Six months. One additional flight to the UK (£1,800). Countless hours on emails and calls. Thousands in legal fees.
What Happened During Those Six Months
While waiting for deputyship:
Janet paid from her own money: She had some savings, thankfully. But they depleted quickly.
Credit rating damaged: Robert's direct debits bounced. Letters arrived. His credit score plummeted.
Business collapsed: Clients who owed money couldn't be invoiced properly. New work couldn't be contracted. The consultancy effectively died.
House maintenance deferred: Things broke. Nobody had authority to arrange repairs from Robert's funds.
Stress on everyone: Janet aged five years in six months. Daniel's wife in Australia was effectively a single parent while he dealt with this.
Now Deputy—But Still 10,000 Miles Away
Getting deputyship helped, but managing from Australia remained hard.
"I can now authorise things, but I'm doing it remotely. Bank calls at midnight my time. Solicitor meetings via video at 5 AM. Every decision takes twice as long because of the distance."
Daniel has considered moving back to the UK.
"I've built a life in Australia. My kids have friends, schools, lives here. But my parents need me. It's an impossible choice."
What Should Have Happened
"If Dad had made LPAs when he was 65—or 60, or 55—this would all be different.
Mum could have been his attorney. She's right there. She could have walked to the bank, shown her authority, and managed everything. No courts. No applications from Australia. No six-month wait.
Or Dad could have appointed both of us—Mum for day-to-day, me for backup. He could have planned for exactly this situation.
Instead, he planned for nothing. And we've spent a year dealing with the consequences."
A Message to Expat Families
"If your parents are in the UK and you're abroad, listen carefully:
You cannot help them if they don't have LPAs.
You can't access their accounts. You can't manage their affairs. You can't instruct solicitors. You can't do anything except apply to a court from 5,000 miles away and wait half a year.
Have the conversation with your parents. Now. Before you need to. Before there's a 3 AM phone call that changes everything."
A Message to Parents with Children Abroad
"You might think, 'My son/daughter is in Australia/America/wherever—they can't be my attorney anyway.'
Wrong.
Your child can still be named as attorney, even if they're abroad. They might appoint someone local to help with day-to-day management. They might fly back if needed.
But even if you name someone else as your main attorney—your spouse, a sibling, a friend—at least the authority exists. At least someone can help immediately.
Without an LPA, nobody can help. Distance becomes an insurmountable barrier."
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LPAs When Family is International
Option 1: Name your spouse/UK-based person as primary attorney, overseas child as replacement
Option 2: Name multiple attorneys (UK-based for day-to-day, overseas child for major decisions)
Option 3: Name overseas child as attorney; they arrange local support
Any LPA is better than no LPA.
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The Cost of Distance + No LPA
| Factor | With LPA | Without LPA |
| International court applications | Not needed | Yes—hugely complicated |
| Time to get authority | Immediate | 6-12 months |
| Number of flights required | Maybe none | Multiple |
| Remote management | Possible | Nearly impossible |
Protect Your International Family
Distance shouldn't mean helplessness. Make sure LPAs are in place.
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